Speak Up

If I could take it all back I would. When I was 13 my mother relapsed after being clean for about 5 years. Everyone in my family was addicted and that was all I knew growing up. After her relapse she left her 3 kids to live with her physically/mentally abusive boyfriend who was also addicted to meth and had been accused of child molestation against me and his stepdaughter. I found some kind of happiness by going out drinking with the older street kids and being a menace since I had felt abandoned. If only I had known then that is was not a lack of love, but that the drug had taken who my mother was from me. In all my madness I met a man who was 20 at the time. We would always hang out and chat about how we could just stop time. We were not sober though, I was always drunk and he would take over the counter cough medicine. Our fling went on for years and our love only got stronger. Until meth took us away from all we loved. He had a past history of messing with it but never got addicted. But once it became convenient for both of us, we stayed high. I quit my job, and cut connection with my family. I would stay up everyday until 7 a.m. then sleep all day and do it all over again. We would fight all the time and I lost over 60 pounds within 3 months. I could go into detail about the things we did and things that were stolen, people that were hurt but that's every meth users story. I felt good when I was high then fell into a black hole after the come down. Then I felt good again. That was my life for a couple years. February 14th 2011 was the best day of my life. I was happy, but terrified cause he did not want to be with me and I did not want to be alone. Because the drug still had me. I used 3 more times within the first 3 months. Something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Knowing what I had done and how ugly that person was. But luckily I woke up. Broke ties with him and got sober. Sadly for him he could not. I tried to keep him connected and offered recourses for him so he could be sober for his children as well. But the drug is so powerful that I knew he had to want to better himself first so we had to cut him out. I have been clean for 2 years now, even though I did have a relapse 2 times. But I am happily sober with a beautiful healthy child and so is my mother. To anyone who has family or friends that are addicted. please cut ties before you are dragged into the devils game. If I could go back I would. I hate having cravings and hate that I had to bring my child into my disaster. But there will always be hope for anyone. Remember that whether your 2 years addicted or 20 years addicted, everyone has a chance