REAL STORIES

Age: 17
Gender: Female
Location: East Peoria, Illinois

"I don't like to refer to meth, as meth. I like to refer to it as a monster. Because that's what it is. It will take you under faster than you can take a hit.

I was four years old when my mother started using meth. She tried it as a method to lose weight. Ha, it worked, a little too well. She would take me to her 'friends' houses, and have strangers watch me, while she went and got high. I remember her always being paranoid, telling me that people walking down the road, were gonna kill her. I didn't understand, why my mother was acting crazy, and why she would leave me at people's houses for days on end. She even put her meth in my pillow, one time. Eventually, with help from my grandparents, she got into rehab, and got clean. I was 16 when I started smoking marijuana, with my then boyfriend. I liked the feel of it, so I kept doing it. we ended up breaking up, and it devastated me. I needed a fast escape from this horrid reality. Little did I know, that heartbreak from a boy, isn't as hard, as the heartbreak from losing your life to meth. I started working at a fast food restaurant, and I met a guy there. He was cute, seemed nice. I knew he smoked weed, which intrigued me. I started having sex with him, so that he would give me weed. Then one day, he showed me a bag of meth, he asked if I had ever tried it before, I said 'No, but my mom used to use it.' Without thinking, I just wanted to see what the big deal was, so I took a hit, and the effect scared meŠ but I couldn't stop, hit after hit, raising me into a place I had never been before, and soon I couldn't feel the heartbreak, I could only feel my heart racing. I would meet up with this guy, every day. I would have sex with him, and he would give me meth. then, when he would run out of the monster, he suggested that I should have sex with other guys, so that we could both get it. I remember the first experience, I had sex with a disgusting 35 year old man, and I cried the entire time. But in the end, I got my monster. I eventually got pregnant, and the boy who had dragged me down this hole, swore me off.

He had found some other girl to use. So, there I was alone, searching for methŠ I got kicked out of my house, got in a handful of fist fights, and eventually had a miscarriage. I would get meth from anyone I could.

Then it happened, I saw the boy that broke my heart, and he said, 'What have you become? What's wrong with you?' I was saying 'NO. This isn't me, this is justŠ' I couldn't finishŠ

Everyone in my life has been thrown out of my life, and I still haven't gotten help. The monster is the only thing on my mind, always, and I can't seem to shake it.

I watch these videos on this sight, and I think, that's me selling my body for meth, saying 'just once', thinking 'if only' I'm just a drifter now, living here and there... This isn't how it was suppose to be. I was supposed to finish school, I was supposed to go to college, and become somebody in this world. Instead, all I am is a victim of the monster that I call meth."

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